SEPTA to Get Rid of Bus Numbers to Eliminate Confusion

SEPTA, in yet another effort to eliminate rider confusion, has decided to eliminate the number system for buses. The move follows eliminating the “R” system from their Regional Rail service, as some customers would accidentally get on the wrong train and go in another direction entirely.

“We've listened to our customers complain for years about the trains, but we've gotten a lot of the same complaints about our buses, if not more," remarked SEPTA's General Manager. “So in order to eliminate the confusion of going the wrong way, we've renamed each bus route after the final destination. This means you will now know which bus is going where as the final destination instead of having to rely on a number-based system.”

One example of this new and improved system is the Route 18 Bus that runs from Cedarbrook Mall to Fox Chase. Instead of having the bus route called the “18”, as is the shorthand, it will now be called the “Cedarbrook Mall” route and the “Fox Chase” route, respectively.

“I'm glad to finally see this! I can't tell you how many times I go to Center City and get on the wrong bus!”, Samantha Max of the Fishtown section remarked. “I've taken the 33 Penn's Landing bus more than one time thinking it was going the other way! I don't read the entire name of the route on the front of the bus, just the number.” When asked why he did this, he replied, “Isn't that all I need to know?”

The move has been met with some criticism as well from a small, but vocal, number of commuters. “How the hell does someone get confused about which way the bus is going? The route is in the name, for crying out loud!”, replied Mark Harvey of Chestnut Hill. When asked how often he took the bus, he said, “About once a week. It can be a little confusing, but a lot of the bus signs tell you what the final destination is, so it's easy for me to figure out which side of the street to get on.”

“Part of the reason for this move is because we've found that some of our riders do have a problem with 'reading comprehension',” SEPTA's General Manager admitted. “Some of our riders are from out of town, may ride our transit system intoxicated, or in some cases are simply illiterate. In order to make the system better and more efficient for everyone, we feel that making these changes for less than 1% of our riders is a step in the right direction.”

The cost of the project has not been determined, although it is worth noting that twice as many schedules than before will need to be printed. Not only that, but so will any and all maps with references to the bus route numbers, and the nearly countless signs around Philadelphia and the Suburbs with route numbers on them.

When asked if the possibility of selling more naming rights to more stations could possibly effect this even more in the future, SEPTA responded in a positive way. “The hope is that it will. We're currently working on a deal to sell the naming rights to Frankford Terminal to Sprint, thus renaming it Sprint Terminal. The deal would be worth $20 Million.” When pressed further, SEPTA would receive only $3 Million of that money, which comes out to 0.03% of SEPTA's $1.3 Billion a year budget(PDF), as the money would be spread over 5 years.

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DISCLAIMER: The following article was a joke. If you did take this seriously, that proves just how fucked-up the new Regional Rail system idea is! Contact SEPTA directly to tell them so!