Sick Of It All

It's been a long day and I really just want it to end.

I was supposed to meet a friend of mine at 4:30 and they had to cancel at the last minute. It didn't help that they have been kinda leaning on me for everything and they have begun to drag me down into their ever-increasingly-bad life. After they canceled, it was downhill from there.

I got a mention on another local blog for that poster yesterday and I wanted to address what someone said about, although I think I did already... if so, I just want to repeat it because people on a forum I go to don't get this idea: I don't want attention for not doing something good. I had a phase where I wanted attention for pretty much anything and everything, and it's something I'm willing to admit. When you have no close family, friends that can be hard to reach, and live in a house by yourself... well, who wouldn't need some attention?

But I realized how dumb and self-defeating it is. It's pointless to do, and it's stupid. I finally met someone who I can be myself with, someone I'm happy with, and for the first time in a long time, for the first time since that election, I actually feel happy with myself and who I am as a person. My friends have given me a ton of support, and I really have to thank them for putting up with me this year. It's been a rough one, and you need good friends for times like these.

Today got rougher when I decided to get done my Christmas shopping and had about 10 different homeless people spread out over a good 1-mile radius ask me for everything from money to food to using my phone while I was taking an emergency phone call within a 30-minute span. It wasn't rough because some of them were rude when I said "no', although that was part of it. No, I want to help, I really do. I got a job that I love, great friends... all in all, I really feel like I hit some sort of jackpot and I'm thankful for everything I have right now. I want to do more to help the homeless, and I REALLY wish I knew how to help more and more directly.

I'm tired, I'm stressed, and I really am trying to change, be a better person, and do some good. I don't want people to assume I post things for the attention, although posting is an attention-getting thing, isn't it? I guess the best way to put it is I'm just doing this to inform my friends what I think and, maybe, help someone else who feels the same.

Well, have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow!