Philadelphia, Your Music Sucks!

Music today is boring.

It is derived, condensed, and consists of nothing more than a bunch of whiny little lame-asses who played and recorded something in their basement, released something on MySpace and got a nice buzz, and then did nothing. The biggest Indie-Rock band in the world consists, in spirit and execution, of nothing more than a bunch of kids singing nonsensical lyrics about their shitty love life and how unfair life is because the guy at Starbucks didn't get their fuckin' Tall Frappe Cappuccino drink right! Their breath of politics is nothing more than a trendy little liberal though, 2 years ago "Bush sucks" and nothing more. Now? Little more outside of "We have hope".

To complain that music consists of only 3 chords played repeatedly would be the highest case of me being a hypocrite, yet it would be incredibly appropriate. While punk bands back in 1977 may have been guilty of only have 3 chords and six strings to this world, grasping onto this existence with barely more than cheap drugs, cheaper beer, and women for free, they had some depth and personality to them. It would also be naive of myself in countless ways to romanticize something that was considered, at the time, the last way of self-expression in a world where many there was nothing left to say. To simply re-create what was and reuse it for one owns gain was looked down-upon.

Yet, here I am, over 30 years later, doing the same thing as I listen to Rancid's "...And Out Came the Wolves", shaking my fist like a man with the numbers in his age reversed, talking about a time he barely remember.

No, do you know why music today sucks? YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could print out each letter of that 50 feet high and get on the news for it. I wish I had an army of people who feel the same exact way outside every fucking indie club and indie rock band! Outside Johnny Brenda's, outside the North Star Bar! Outside the Khyber and the Tritone! Outside every fucking bar in Fishtown where people think going to a club around the corner of where some crack dealer was only a year ago and now you have a bar and you think your "dangerous"! Outside every alt-weekly newspaper praising some "great band" that's only going to sell 10 CD's, not because they didn't get the exposure they feel they deserve, but because the band didn't have TALENT!

I AM SICK OF IT!

I'm sick of shitty joke bands getting more respect than bands practicing and playing their asses off, creating something that may not be earth-shattering but more interesting and well-played than what a bunch of fuckers who decided to start a band with a fucking ocarina and banging together empty Pat's Blue Ribbon beer cans for "the art"! I'm sick of someone being a respected music critic because they have a fucking mustache or a beard, despite the fact they have no taste in music, talent, or ability!

Lo-fi rock, post-rock, music where people rip off others and its considered "sampling others" or doing something "that's part of a community of artists"! Indie rock that relies more and more on self-gratification than actual hard work and musicianship! Wussy, pussy, sad, pathetic people who simply take old folk-rock music and genres, add some minor "twist" to it, and create something that isn't that much interesting, just marginally better! The shitty hip-hop artist who thinks crafting together two lame rhymes together with some shitty beat you got on sale at Walmart! The guy and gal who think they're being "EDGY" or "COOL" by walking around with thick nerdy glasses! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY?! YOU DON''T LOOK GOOD IN THAT!!!!!

All of you! Your not creating something worth listening to, you're just regurgitating something everyone is doing or done and not adding to it!

AND YOU! The asshole who actually BUYS this stuff!

YOU! The self-righteous prick who thinks you're doing the world a favor by supporting shitty music and art! YOU! The guy who'd rather spend $10 to see 5 bands who have NO potential and no spirit, but are out there playing a gig not to pay the bills or do something interested, but they're only playing to feel like they're self-important themselves! YOU! The high-and-mighty "know-it-all" who feels "Special" because only you and your friends know of some band with no label or support! YOU! The asshat who thinks metal and punk died! YOU! The idiot who thinks tearing things with quality and value down is cool and hip!

YOU!

YOU are what wrong with Music! YOU are why I can't fucking stand this shit! YOU are why I play my guitar every night, knowing I may not be the best or better than 99% of the people in this city... but its YOU why I'm going to keep trying and then burn your house to the ground when I play.

YOU are destroying music.

Prepare to burn.

Photo courtesy of Just Say NO to Emo

EDITORS NOTE: This post was originally written during a case of vertigo and cough medicine. All thoughts and opinions expressed should be taken as such... although I think I'm right about most of this stuff.